Expecto Patronum!!

For the uninitiated a Patronus is a charm that keeps away the "dementors"-the soul sucking creatures who suck out all the happiness from a person. It produces a protector which brings in the positivity. As per the belief, a person has only one Patronus which is a projection of their soul. No one is known to have more than one Patronus. 

But they are wrong!!! 

In life where there is so much happening and I was lost in a new city, with no friends, I feel blessed to have met these amazing women, who have become my Patronuses in real life. I don't know what the beliefs are, but these women have brought me back from the place where I was losing myself. 

These amazing girls, helped me rediscover myself, to be confident, to face my demons and most importantly to love myself.

One a fierce believer of her ideologies and a protector of those who need help. A fighter in her own way. She keeps me practical and gives me the fierceness to fight the darkness.

One a free spirit who looks at life from such a beautiful perspective and knows how to think from others point of view. Through all her struggles she still knows the power of positivity, perseverance and when needed ignorance. She gives me perspective and the ability to laugh freely.

One a beautiful soul, a loyal partner, a terrific mother and  fantabulous friend! In her own way she is fierce, loyal, extremely caring and equally crazy all at the same time.. She preserves my sense of Family!!

And The one whom I would call the fairy godmother, who keeps everyone together. The loved one, the warrior, who protects all those who are close to her. And above all a master illusionist who hides all the pain she takes away from people and flashes her beautiful smile, and fills the universe with happiness! She keeps up my belief in magic! 

And it doesn’t end here, they brought with them many more, 

a beautiful soul who has no bad thoughts in her body and just gives freely, 

a fun loving sassy woman who beautifully balances her responsibilities

a strong woman who creates memories in every way she can,

a beautiful mother who makes sure to live her dreams, 

An artist who paints the town with her charms.

Heartfelt gratitude to all of you!

Thank you for taking away all the demons and making me feel loved! 

Thank You for making life magical!!!

Three is Crowd!!

A  relationship is always between two individuals first! What happens with others around the family, other friends, other relations is later just an extension of it.

I remember I always had a very easy going relationship with my dad for most of the good times I remember.

Even today the thing that I miss about dad is the care with which he looked after us when we were sick. He was never the one to sit at bedside on the hospital bed, but rather he preferred making life more comfortable for the person feeling sick. 

He was my go to person for anything I wanted.. McD's burgers with extra mayo were always delivered to my hostel when I was staying there. He made sure to visit me whenever he was in that part of the town and took me just to have them!! Once my brand new phone was stolen at a shop and in tears I called baba and his reaction was "Oh that's it?? I thought it was something serious." and within that hour he was near my hostel, leaving all the work.

It's memories like these that make me wonder, what went wrong! There was a time when he was my everything and then suddenly there was this huge gap between us that somehow I felt could never be filled. Luckily it did before it got too late! I did go to him, slept on his lap, had a laugh with him and etched few of the happiest memories with him, before he passed! 

Thinking back to the time when the cracks started appearing, I realize that I was trying hard to feel accepted by someone else, and hence developed this superficial hatred for my Dad!! I stopped respecting him, I stopped talking to him, hell I even stopped being in the same room as him!! So much for a tiny acceptance! 

Well I still am unsure if I ever got accepted , but what I do know is I let someone else guide the rules of my relationship with him and that probably is my only regret till date!

But that regret, that thing taught me an important lesson "Do not let the strings of one relationship be in the hands of a third person" No matter how close the others are to you or your situation, only the TWO involved can find a solution.

Communicate, throw a tantrum if you feel the need to, but get it sorted between you two. The moment a third person enters the equation, trust me it is headed to be doomed!!

Rightly said "Two is a company, the third is always a crowd!!"

There is a Choice... Always!!!

Lemons Received, Lemonade consumed in oodles and then what?? Well life continued...

I remember a time when I was wary of meeting new people. I could always see a Red Flag floating over their heads and used to find excuses of not mixing with them.

And what excuses they were!! In Professor Snape's world, "the person was breathing loud" would have been a reason enough to punish someone.. Well I guess I was projecting my inner Snape!

It was around the time when I was completing my bachelor's (trying to complete is more like it) that I met some amazing people who helped me get out of the shell. It was a slow process but then finally I could open up to a selected few people and be myself, comfortable enough to let go of the fears!

I remember one particular incidence much better than the others, as it was one of those which left me with a life long friend. After a long tiring day filled with lectures and practicals and what nots of the college life, I was leaving with the intention of just getting back to my room and relaxing, doing absolutely nothing. Suddenly I started chatting with this guy, whom I had interacted with very few times and man did we click!! All the plans of a quiet, lonely evening were dumped and we went to have some food, what better way to connect other than over a nice plate of food!! So we got talking and though I don't remember exactly what all we spoke about, all I recollect is the feeling of belonging that I felt at the end of those few hours that we spoke for!

And that was the last we spoke in person for quite a few years! Distance couldn't separate us, neither could the loss of contact for sometime. Even today no matter after how many days or months or years we talk, it feels as if we never stopped.

For someone who was dead set on being on my own, finding someone who could understand me and let me be Me was a huge thing. and trusting him was like next level of insanity! I didn't even begin to trust my now husband so quickly, and he was  around the whole time!!

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It's memories and instances like this that still make me believe in human connections. We need to let go, take the risk, trust someone, have faith in the power above. 

Being in the shell is all good, and fear of being hurt is also understandable, but getting out, taking the risk is what might make the life all better and you never know who you end up meeting. It could change your life for the better!

Living life is not a big deal, everyone does, its a natural process! Whether to just Drift along or to live it with happiness, surrounded by people who care and memories that help you get up once again, is our choice!

Always....

Respecting the NO..

No Means No!!!

A stand which many of us take when it comes to empowerment and building a sensible society.

When a movie star said it in one of the movies, the country was taken by a storm, on how it is important to respect a No!

My question is how will the next generation know this? What are we doing to ensure that this message is sent forward and inculcated in their minds in the proper way?

Is just teaching them about equality enough? Is tell them to respect all enough? Does it just end at that?

As a parent, when I think about it, various instances flash through my mind where we as adults forget to respect the No of a child.

Situation 1 : In a family gathering, the child is not comfortable being around some person, who is possibly an elder or a family friend, but is still made to be around that person. Not just that but is made to interact, "Say hello, respond to the questions asked" etc... The child says no, but is still made to do it.

Situation 2: The parent is telling the child to do some work. the child is saying No. The parent tells again and the child continues to say No. The parent gets agitated. In certain cases, usually ends up shouting on the child or even hitting in some cases.

Situation 3 : The child wants to select a field of study which he/she loves, the parents don't agree and the child is forced to go in a stream which they are least interested in.

These situations though don't seem to be too out of ordinary in our society, have the ability to create an impact that lasts life long. At instances a child is offered treats for doing things they don't want to. They are scolded on or punished. For a child it is an understanding that saying No is equal to punishment or a way to get more treats.

Instead of reacting or forcing the child to do somethings when they are insisting on not doing them, try to find the reason Why.

I understand, that as they grow up they need to understand the importance of doing things at the times when they need to be done, but as they enter their teenage, this respect becomes of utmost importance. Instead of being the nagging parents, let's give them a space making their own decisions. Let them be free to say NO.

If we as parents respect and accept it Today, we just might make way for a generation for whom No would really mean No.

Let's begin this at our homes. And continue it through actions instead of waiting for another news of an heinous crime to hit the papers and create a temporary wave of unsolicited advice for all the parents around the globe.

When Life Gives You Lemons....

There have been many instances in life, when I felt like wrapping it all up.

I remember during my school days, I had just 4 people who, I would say, were my friends. Infact the only people I was myself with. One of them I still am in touch with, and I am grateful to her for bearing with me all through my insufferable stupidities and unwanted revolts that I had made a part of my life for quite some years. She has been a rock that I knew I could count on.. Thank You Darling. You know who you are!!

The rest, I still am in touch with the happenings of one other, but Two of the most important people, whom I used to call mine, well they are lost somewhere. I remember it like yesterday, when they were my go to people, not to share the difficulties I was facing, but to just laugh out loud. The only two who could make me smile no matter what.. One a brother from another mother and the other the friend a person would do anything for. Just knowing they were around was enough for me to continue living. Life was as happy as it could be in those years.

I still don't have the answers to what went wrong, but it was like magic, that things just turned and I was woken up as if from a dream. The people whom I trusted my heart with, were the ones who just seemed not to care. It was as if my biggest fear had turned to reality! I tried hard to make myself hold on stronger, but somehow it was the major trigger for all the depression that followed in the coming years. It was as if life was lost, I was without an anchor and was just floating around with no sense of purpose or understanding of what was happening.

But as they say, Life goes on! And how!! When I came to my self , I went on to be a completely different person. Time heals the wounds, but these left heavy scars on me.

Along the way, I met many others who broke me down as if there was no other purpose to their lives other than seeing me down, and life threw such amazing curve balls that made sure I might never get over it ever again!! By then, I had so many lemons in my basket, that I did not know what to do with them.

So here's what I did..

I woke up one day, made an amazing glass of lemonade! Took the Seeds, dried them and planted them to borne a beautiful lemon tree in the backyard, so that I would never forget where it all comes from, and The Skins, well I used them in all the things that would help me be beautiful inside out! And ta-da, here I am.. The Best possible version of myself ! (And still updating!!)

So When Life gives you lemons.. Make sure you utilize every teeny tiny bit of it and make yourself Beautiful!!!
Don't worry about what others do, their acts are not your concern. Don't force any one to be around just because for you they are important. Life goes on without them too!!

It's a hard road, but I am sure you will get there in the end!! And don't forget to ask for help if you need it!

You are never alone!!
Love yourself.. Be there for You!

Cheers to YOU!!

Love,

Gratitude

In the fast moving life we often forget to say Thanks to those who have always been with us, through thick and thin. Being taken for granted has become an integral part of the lifestyle.

When my 4 yr old came home a few days back, she was continuously singing something in very low voice. On hearing properly it was a song they were taught in school " Thank you", though I still don't know the exact wordings, it goes on the lines where everyone around is thanked for all the things they do for us. The nature, the people and God!

Another instance is when I share something with her, she without fail says "Aai, Thank you! You shared with me", and does not forget to remind me to say Thanks when she does something for me. Such innocence, all of us have it in there somewhere. a simple Thank You lightens up her whole being in way that I cannot express it in words. It really doesn't take much to say a simple small Thank You, does it? . The impact it has though..... is enormous!

There are so many people who affect us directly or indirectly, and sometimes life offers just one chance for us to tell them how much they have shaped us to be what we are today.

As I ponder on all the people I have met, some long lost in the whirlwind of life and others who stuck by me, no matter how hard I tried to distance myself, there are so many of them to whom I never got a chance to say thank you. Many still whom I won't be able to say it again as I really haven't been in touch with them for years now.  So today, as I begin this journey of writing again, I wish to start it by being grateful to all those who have been a part of my life in some capacity or the other, for a very short time or for years on end.

Thank You for helping me find myself,
For helping me realize how strong I really am,
For being patient enough to stick around when I was being totally impossible,
For letting me be Me!

Two simple words, don't cost a dime, nor do they take too much of your time, so why not continue the coming days by expressing the gratitude before it's too late!!

Cheers to Now!!

Most often than not, we humans are more interested in what is to come than what we have right now. The present is sidelined and all the planning happens for something that may, or may not exist at all.

In my many years of absence from writing, I learnt a lot many things, most important being that if we forget to live now, tomorrow might just be more lifeless than today. I have been so engrossed in Life, that I didn't realize when it just passed by!

Our lives are so revolved around protecting the next page in life that Today's page is left unattended, unfilled and blank. There is always something more important than doing what we want to, what we love to. Others take priority and living is lost!

Looking back at all the empty pages, which I could have filled with so many beautiful memories, the only thing I can say is , it's best if we concentrate on filling up the Now, it will help in building a beautiful and peaceful tomorrow.

Life is better celebrated when we can go back to the pages of the past and live them once more through the memories that we have stored in there.

So here's to living Today and enjoying it to the fullest, tomorrow may or may not come, if it does it's a fresh page to start with!!

Cheers!!!

Friends!!!

I have to carry the burden,

The burden called LIFE!!!

But it’s made easy

By the true friends I have..

They care, they love

They help me be free

They make me face the truth..

They heal me easily...

They show me that life is not a burden

It’s just a journey..

To be accomplished with the help of the loved ones

Who always help me evade and help me be ME!!!

(P.S. This post is to say thanks to all my friends who have been with me always...)

The First Rain!!!

Rains!!! They always have something attached to them, don’t they?


The thunders, the lightning, even the power cuts, and above all The Memories! The Bitter-Sweet Memories!!

No matter how hard we try to forget them or bury them deep inside our hearts, the first rain has some power that just breaks them free..

The paper boats made with friends as a child…

The garam chai and the pakore platter enjoyed amongst the laughter of the family…

The hours spent in rain crying the heart out over silly teenage fights..

The hours spent dreaming about your love and wishing they were with you…

The list goes on…

They just keep pouring from the hearts abyss, long after the raindrops recede.

The heart continues its journey into the past recollecting the moments that once gave it a hope.. a strength and the love!!!

And somewhere along the journey it returns to the present, its hands filled with the gift of renewed hopes and begins the old life afresh.. getting drenched in the happiness that surrounds everywhere after the rain,.. Enjoying the scents of the past and cherishing each moment of the present creating new memories in the pockets washed clear by the rains…

And awaits the next rains, to once again begin a journey down the lanes which otherwise lay forgotten…

A New Beginning

Ahhhhh!!!! Such a long time since my last post... Almost two years now. GOD!!!

Well but what can I say, Sometimes things just happen such that you just are unable to bring yourself to terms with "MOVING ON".

Some incidents in our lives leave us wretched and miserable to such an extent that coming back to our own self feels like an impossible task. The fears induced in our hearts run so deep that we forget that there is a life beyond those fears. Although it is a tough thing to overcome those fears it is not impossible to achieve it, if we BELIEVE!!
Life doesn't stop just because we decide not to move on.. Neither does time nor do the people who once were always around. There may be a few who would stay right where we left them and wait for us to take that first step towards a new life, but rest all disappear as if they never existed!
Through all this it always has to be our choice whether to move on or to be stuck in the time which has long passed on. To open our heart to the new feelings that knock on its doors or to just block them under the name of "PROTECTING OURSELVES"... To take the risks again or to just Stop Living..
Life is not fair, it never claimed to be!! But surely that’s not completely true. It’s unfair if we allow it to be so. It’s hard on us if we let it push us down. But if we really decide to fight back it’s not long before the tables are turned.
Letting someone help you, letting the heart to wander in the dreamland and to just take those risks that we so easily avoid is much more adventurous than living a life in solitude and sadness.
The pain, the emptiness caused because of those losses or traumas might not be completely filled, but making new places for others and living again might just ease out the pain.. After all as they say, "IT’S THE LAW OF LIFE THAT IN ORDER TO GAIN SOMETHING PRECIOUS ONE HAS TO GIVE UP SOMETHING MORE PRECIOUS."
It just takes a firm mind and a will to take the risks involved, to find what is in store, on the new path that life has taken.. Probably it might be the path that would help us value what we hold rather than what we don't and eventually lead us to the destination we always hoped for....

So here I am!!After a lot and lot of pressure, blackmailing and what not from those who stuck around by me in my journey.

Thanks to ALL OF THEM!!!!

And hopefully will be writing in regularly........ :) Ciao.